|
[Editor’s
note: Matt Barganier was too shocked and awed by events in Iraq
to write this week’s column. In deference to the War Party’s superior
gravitas, he decided to let some of his favorite militarists use
the Collateral Damage space as a forum this morning. Unfortunately,
CNBC’s Kudlow and Cramer were busy, so he had to settle
for the regulars of National Review’s The Corner. Enjoy.]
HE
FINALLY CAME TO HIS SENSES [Ramesh Ponnuru]
It’s
good to know that Matt has gotten on board with the war effort.
You know, what’s so great about America is that after a reasonable
period of dissent, everyone bows unquestioningly to the president’s
will.
Posted at 7:57 AM
I’M
NOT SO SURE [Victor
Davis Hanson]
My
reading of classical history leads me to believe that this may
all be a ruse. For instance, the ancient Achaeans used a similar
ploy in their efforts to democratize Troy. They constructed a
giant wooden equine and presented it to the Trojans as a sign
of goodwill, but when the unsuspecting Trojans took this gift
inside their city walls, Achaeans poured out of the hollow beast
and made havoc. The lesson of this little-known episode should
be clear to all: beware of Balkan livestock.
Posted
at 8:03 AM
VICTOR
VICTORIOUS [Jonah Goldberg]
I’ve
got to hand it to Professor Hanson; he knows the classics the
way Ron
Jeremy knows prophylactics. Also, isn’t "Barganier"
a French surname?
Posted at 8:11 AM
YEAH,
AND "RAIMONDO" IS ITALIAN [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
You
know who else was Italian? Mussolini. And he was with Hitler.
Posted at 8:12 AM
SPEAKING
OF ETHNICITY [Rich Lowry]
An old Sigma Nu bro just faxed me this essay called "A Modest
Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. I’m not sure, but this Swift
guy seems pretty anti-Irish. Any thoughts?
Posted at 8:20 AM
WHOSE
FAULT? [Rod Dreher]
I’m deeply saddened by the loss of civilian lives in Iraq. If
Saddam lives, he should be tried for crimes against humanity for
using his people as human shields. Also, is there any precedent
for posthumous execution? Rachel
Corrie’s a pancake now, I know, but she must have a vein left
for lethal injection.
Posted at 8:34 AM
COLESLAW
WITH YOUR CHICKENHAWK? [Jonah Goldberg]
Ho-hum.
Someone else called me a "chickenhawk."
I remain unperturbed by all this chickenhawk nonsense. It’s like
saying that anyone who’s never given birth should not teach lamaze.
Or that deaf people shouldn’t have a say on noise ordinances.
Check back later for more similes.
Posted
at 8:50 AM
I
SECOND THAT EMOTION [Rich Lowry]
If I’m a chickenhawk, then what would you call George Washington?
He had never served a day in the U.S. military before the American
Revolution broke out.
Posted at 8:55 AM
FLAGS
PER CAPITA [John Derbyshire]
Is
anyone tracking this statistic? I believe the U.S. must be the
leader, and, hence, the greatest nation on earth.
Posted
at 9:02 AM
ANTIWAR,
OR ANTISEMITE? [Jonah Goldberg]
Have
you ever noticed how all of the so-called "chickenhawks"
have, uh, JEWISH names? Myself, Bill Kristol, Richard Perle, Norman
Podhoretz, Howard Zinn, Dick Cheney – hmmm, is there a pattern
here?
Posted
at 9:05 AM
"MYXOMATOSIS"
[Rod Dreher]
The
British poet Philip Larkin (1922-1985) wrote a poem called "Myxomatosis,"
which was the name of an animal disease deliberately introduced
by British scientists to cull the rabbit population. The poem
is written in the voice of a man (Death) approaching a fevered,
dying and unaware rabbit, to put it out of its misery.
Caught
in the centre of a soundless field
While hot inexplicable hours go by
What trap is this? Where were its teeth concealed?
You seem to ask.
I make a sharp reply,
Then
clean my stick. I'm glad I can't explain
Just in what jaws you were to suppurate
You may have thought things would come right again
If you could only keep quite still and wait.
This
poem, its last two lines in particular, make [sic] me think of
all the hopeful people in Europe and North America who believe
that the deadly scourge of Islamofascism armed with weapons of
mass destruction can be fended off without having to fight. [actual
Dreher post]
Posted
at 9:22 AM
IXNAY
ON THE NEY-CHE [Jonah Goldberg]
D’oh! Thanks to an alert reader for reminding me that Dick Cheney
isn’t Jewish, and that Howard Zinn, though Jewish, has shamed
his fellow veterans by opposing this war.
Posted at 9:29 AM
RE
"MIXMASTERTOSIS" [Rich Lowry]
Great
riddle, Rod, but the suspense is killing me. Who was going to
kill that rabbit?
Posted
at 9:30 AM
FRUM
DELIVERS AGAIN [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Check
out David Frum’s follow-up to his exposé
of the paleoconservatives. In it, he draws a fascinating metaphorical
web around the Rockwells in America: Norman, George
Lincoln, and now Llewellyn.
While Norman exalted FDR’s Four Freedoms, George Lincoln betrayed
his middle namesake to espouse Nazism. You’ll have to read the
whole piece to find out which one David thinks Lew
Rockwell is closer to. Sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger!
Posted
at 9:41 AM
MY
PALEO IS BIGGER THAN YOURS [Jonah Goldberg]
With
all this yakkety-yak about paleoconservatives, I turn again to
my beloved Edmund Burke, the most paleo of conservatives. Not
only would Burke have supported a radical overhaul of the Muslim
world (as he did for the forebears of today’s cheese-eating surrender
monkeys in 1789), he would have poured scorn on those who criticized
their government in a time of crisis.
Posted
at 9:44 AM
THE
ROCKWELLS [John
Derbyshire]
Kudos
to David Frum, as always, but he may have been a little unfair
to George Lincoln Rockwell.
Posted
at 9:46 AM
GOOD
SHOW [Ramesh Ponnuru]
David’s essay on the paleos is not only an important act of moral,
intellectual, and political hygiene. It’s also, as essays go,
a rollicking good time. It’s both heated and funny. [actual Ponnuru
post]
Posted
at 9:47 AM
IT’S
RAINING MEN [Jonah Goldberg]
Another
thing about this chickenhawk business: the military doesn’t need
every able-bodied male. As several of my fans in the armed services
have informed me, I’m not wanted in the ranks. What really irks
me about these Star
Trek fantasists is their inability to recognize that we
don’t all live on the Starship Enterprise, where not pulling
one’s weight might lead to the vessel being overrun with Tribbles
or Ferengis. I’ve got my job to do right here, bolstering morale
in the services and cracking wise about porno flicks.
Posted
at 10:01 AM
CORRECTION
[Jonah Goldberg]
By
"Star Trek fantasists," I did not, of course,
mean my good friend Ron
Bailey nor those eminently sensible folks over at Reason
and the Cato Institute.
Posted
at 10:02 AM
CUTE
[Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Another reader e-mails:
I
just overheard a colleague, who is the wife of a soldier in the
Gulf, say "I can't wait for him to come home so I can give him
a big Freedom kiss"! [sic] Another reason why I should've joined
the Service. [actual Lopez post]
Posted
at 10:13 AM
A
SLICE OF TURKEY, ANYONE? [Victor Davis Hanson]
The
broad view afforded by my expertise in history may make some readers
think me callous, but consider the following: When Agamemnon (who
led Western coalition forces) took Troy (in present-day uncooperative
Turkey), he put all adult males to the sword, took the desirable
women as concubines, and sold the children into slavery. Food
for thought, as my colleague James
S. Robbins would say.
Posted
at 10:21 AM
I
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:25 AM
HAVE
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:26 AM
NOTHING
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:27 AM
BETTER
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:28 AM
TO
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:29 AM
DO
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:30 AM
THAN
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:31 AM
POST
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:32 AM
INANITIES
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:33 AM
ALL
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:34 AM
DAY
[Katherine Jean Lopez]
Posted
at 10:35 AM
BUCHAREST
DREAMING [John Derbyshire]
A
reader from our ally Romania informs me that the U.S.A. may not
be the most patriotic country in human history. She writes that
during her childhood in the 1980s, Romanian schoolkids sang constant
songs of praise to President and Mrs. Ceaucescu. Furthermore,
journalists were very friendly to the needs of state. Sounds like
paradise, Ms. Radulescu, but I still wonder, how many cars bore
the Romanian flag?
Posted
at 10:56 AM
A
SOMBER MOMENT [Rod Dreher]
As
American troops press forward, let’s take a minute to pray for
those in peril: our brave correspondent Jed
Babbin. The world will little note, nor long remember what
we say here, but it can never forget what he did there.
Posted
at 11:00 AM
CHURCHILL
ON CHICKENHAWKS [Jonah Goldberg]
I think a great statesman put it best when he said, "It was
the nation and the race dwelling all round the globe that had
the lion’s heart. I had the luck to be called upon to give the
roar." (Winston Churchill, Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations,
p. 68.)
Posted at 11:06 AM
STERILIZE
PARIS? [Rich Lowry]
A
technical question: Could some of our Air Force jets in France
be outfitted with crop-dusting gear, but instead of spraying pesticide,
spray Ortho-Tricyclen?
This is just to stimulate discussion, so don’t anybody Ann
Coulter me. Think about it, though: a relatively humane way
to neutralize future vetoes in the U.N. Security Council. Also,
no more of that gibberish talk they do over there, no more fancypants
literary theories, no more blue cheese dressing, and a good place
to resettle the downtrodden Kurds. That’ll keep the Germans in
check, plus it will be one less obstacle in the way of American
soccer domination.
Posted
at 11:08 AM
A
SUDDEN TINGLE [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
President
Bush may give another speech tonight. At the very least, there
should be some new footage of the aerial campaign. Why do I feel
warm all over?
Posted
at 11:10 AM
A
BUCHANAN BOMBSHELL [David Frum]
While
Pat Buchanan rants about a Jewish fifth column in the United States,
well-placed sources tell me that Buchanan himself is a papist.
Now, I won’t employ the disgusting tactics of the paleos and assert
that this dual loyalty colors his stand on foreign policy, but
please. How else can one explain the nefarious influence of the
Vatican’s amen corner in America? Who’s taking marching orders
in this country?
Posted
at 11:27 AM
I’M
DYING HERE [Rich Lowry]
Rod,
was that bunny a victim of Iraqi chemical weapons? And what about
this Swift character?
Posted
at 11:37 AM
THE
MTV GENERATION [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
60
percent of MTVers polled support the Iraq battle. [actual
Lopez post]
Posted
at 11:40 AM
EDMUND,
I HARDLY KNEW YE [Jonah Goldberg]
Some
skinhead
wannabe just informed me that Edmund Burke opposed the
French Revolution, and also spoke out against contemporary British
foreign policy. Can you believe these guys?
Posted
at 11:45 AM
NOTE
TO JONAH AND RICH [David Frum]
Sad
but true: Burke was an anti-Semite. So was Swift. We must fight
on against all such enemies of civilization, whether in Baghdad
or the local library. To total victory!
Posted
at 11:56 AM
~ Matt Barganier
|
comments
on this article?
|
|
|
Matt
Barganier works for an educational philanthropy in Baton Rouge,
LA. A late bloomer in his mid-twenties, he has only recently joined
the ranks of web punditry. He is an alumnus of Louisiana State
University and the University of Alabama.
Archived
columns:
3/10/03 – Woolsey's
Folly
3/17/03 – An
Aural MOAB for the Middle East
|
