NORAD Tracks Mr. Santa’s Wild Ride

In its 50 years in operation, NORAD never saw a mission it didn’t like. Perhaps its most bizarre (and since the Cold War, most high profile) annual ritual of the air defense command is the “tracking” of Santa Claus across the planet. The process has come a long way from when I was a child and you’d see a brief clip of where Santa was on the 6-o-clock news, providing real-time tracking of the pop-culture icon.

And while NORAD assures us that “almost no taxpayer dollars” are spent on this mission, the question of how on earth this became their job remains. They try to explain it on the site, saying Sears once screwed up a phone number in a local advert and the guy on duty played along. But over half a century later, a joke became a formal mission in its own right… complete with corporate sponsors.

Bizarre however is to look at where Santa is declared to have stopped and where he has omitted from his global trek. Santa skipped Taiwan altogether, but found time to visit the sparsely populated Japanese island of Chichi-Jima (best known for reports it hosted US nuclear weapons during the Cold War). Kashmir missed out, as did Southern Afghanistan and the Pakistani tribal areas (perhaps NORAD felt there was enough air traffic looming over South Waziristan for Santa to stop off in Wana?). Somehow, he felt the need to stop in Diego Garcia however, the depopulated island used by the United States for extralegal War on Terror interrogations. Santa also stopped off at Guantanamo Bay, perhaps he is a human rights investigator now?

Qom, Iran was briefly listed this afternoon, but was hastily changed to read “International Space Station.” No other Iran cities were listed. Santa stopped in Gori, Georgia as well, but conspicuously ignored Israel (no doubt the Office of Antiboycott Compliance is salivating at the legal ramifications of this omission).

Santa has just arrived in the continental United States… which will no doubt be well represented in his visits. But for children around the world (particularly in nations with heavily Christian populations like Serbia) the question must be asked: how does NORAD decide which nations Santa is to visit in a given year, and which he omits.

18 thoughts on “NORAD Tracks Mr. Santa’s Wild Ride”

  1. Aren’t you a little old to be bent out of shape over this? You seem like the type that would write Obama about it.

  2. Mr. Ditz, believe it or not, the Russians and Chinese haven’t given up their offensive nuclear weapon bomber and missile capability since the end of the Cold War. Neither has North Korea, the UK, France, Israel, Pakistan or India, so to stop watching the skies for such threats would be the greatest of follies. While I’m committed to the anti-war movement, a capable national defense is as important to peace as is sound diplomatic policy. While Roosevelt may have painted the Japanese and their German Allies into a corner, the Japanese still felt that the US was militarily weak which is why they bombed Pearl Harbor, invaded the Philippines and the Aleutian Islands. After WW2, during interviews with the German High Command, they stated they thought the US was hopelessly backwards in terms of aviation and military science and would be easy pickings after they disposed of the British and Russians. Until the gov’t and polticians that run them start to accept a consensus attitude as opposed to a competitive one, war will remain a constant companion to peace for many generations to come.

    1. Judging from the responses above, looks like this humorous commentary on American militarism, NORAD, and Santa Claus has touched a raw nerve with the jingoists.

      Even satires of the US military are a very “sensitive” subject in the Fatherland these days.

      Quick, better call and report this Thought Crime to Homeland Security. LOL.

      1. Like I said “Aren’t you a little old to be bent out of shape over this?” And another thing. It’s the Motherland. Not Fatherland. Don’t you know how to be PC? LOL

        1. Actually, Politically Correct nationalists always talk about a “Fatherland,” because “Motherland” sounds too warm, cozy, and nurturing to encourage the appropriate level of national arrogance. PC doesn’t just apply to one political stripe. But did you really believe the author was “bent out of shape over this?”

        2. He’s the one that wrote a long story about it. Santa not landing in Iran & Israel???…LOL. You tell me?

        3. Does Santa Claus land in non-Christian places? He is, after all, the true god of Christmas! Now, the Born Agains would have this whole thing sewn up if only they could convince all the world’s children that Santa won’t leave presents if they don’t believe in Jesus!

        4. All I’m pointing out is this NORAD Santa tracking is just something fun for kids to follow. It’s got nothing to do with Bush, Chistians, 9/11. People volunteer to do it. NORAD/Google had Santa in Algeria, Ethiopia, Japan, Libya, Myanmar. Non-Christian places the last I checked.

        5. I believe you are proving that nationalists have no sense of humor, to the point that you actually believe that the author is actually complaining about NORAD tracking Santa. You must actually think the author believes in Santa Claus. Can’t you just play along with the joke?

  3. In an unrelated and little reported event, Santa was shot down over Wasilla, Alaska by Sarah Palin’s ‘Praetorian Guard’ contingent. Ms. Palin reported that “she thought the reindeer and sleigh were from Russia and heck, one just can’t be too careful when dealing with the Rooskies!”

  4. Ah, tracking Santa. Ain’t that nice. Like our government masters keep tellin’ us, everything they do is fer da childern.

    1. Just curious. Did NORAD shot down FLT 93 or did the passengers bring it down? If you believe NORAD shot it down then they did their job. Imagine NORAD shooting down 2 passenger jets because they were off course. The uproar in this country if that had happened. And believing a story put out by GW that they were going to fly into buildings! Just scare mongering. What proof did you have?

  5. I suspect they get those locations from the claimed locations of those who call in to find the location of Santa.

    Unfortunately, Santa was shot down approaching Alaska. All ten ballistic missile defense interceptors were expended in the effort, so we are now left completely exposed to an extremely dangerous imaginary threat.

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