A
GRUESOME GAGGLE
In
his calculated nuttiness, Hagelin is the natural candidate
of the Anti-Buchanan Brigades – a gruesome gaggle of
"yogic flyers," followers of the leftwing psycho-cultists
Lenora Fulani and Fred Newman, and a dwindling band of Perotistas
without Perot. Led by Jim Mangia, the Reform party national
secretary (but not for long), and stage-managed by Foolani
and her robotic minions, the Hate Buchanan faction of Reform
has held a press conference every other day: when they aren't
threatening violence (Mangia has said he expects the national
convention to be "a bloodbath") they are touting their own
"tolerance" and the political correctness of their candidate.
Hagelin is held up as the only alternative to Buchanan, whom
they invariably describe in mono-dimensional terms as a "social
conservative." Hagelin accuses Buchanan of being "divisive"
and "hateful" and poses as a social liberal. But what is the
real ideology of the Natural Law Party, whose spokesman Rob
Roth has described as "the Transcendental Meditation party"?
The Vedic scriptures from which the TM/Natural Law crowd draws
its ideology are not exactly a product of the European Enlightenment.
Never mind the Buchananites: we know about them. What about
the Natural Law Party? Are they really levitating liberals?
IN
THE CLOSET
Airbone
reactionaries is more like it. It turns out the TMers are
somewhat to the right of Buchanan on such issues as
abortion, homosexuality, the family, and the role of women.
The "Laws of Manu" which are the Holy Bible of the TMers,
condemns women who "cause an abortion" and considers it a
sin on a par with a wife killing her husband. If Hagelin is
now claiming to be "pro-choice," he must have gotten a special
dispensation from the Maharishi. But one can only wonder if
the Giggling Guru – as the Maharishi is called, for his
annoying habit of giggling "blissfully" while dropping pearls
of divine wisdom – can afford to give him much more leeway
on a whole host of other issues on which the Vedas are quite
explicit. On homosexuality, for example, Jim Mangia will be
chagrined to learn that his new-found allies are not about
to sponsor a float in the Gay Freedom Day Parade. According
to the text that is sacred to virtually all Natural Law Party
members:
"A
twice-born man who commits an unnatural offence with a male,
or has intercourse with a female in a cart drawn by oxen,
in water, or in the day-time, shall bathe, dressed in his
clothes."
UNNATURAL
ACTS
So
Hagelin and the flying carpeteers agree with Buchanan
that homosexuality is an "unnatural act." Naturally, the openly
gay Mangia, who likes to whine about Buchanan's "gaybashing,"
has no problem with this – since Hagelin keeps his "homophobia"
in the closet, so to speak. If Mangia shows up in Long Beach
drenched to the skin in his best suit, we'll know he's converted
– but then again we always knew he was all wet.
Yeah,
those TMers sure hate queers. If you think the punishment
for "unnatural acts" is just a good-natured soaking, then
getta loada this:
"Giving
pain to a Brahmana (by a blow), smelling at things which ought
not to be smelt at, or at spirituous liquor, cheating, and
an unnatural offence with a man, are declared to cause the
loss of caste (Gatibhramsa)."
SAY,
WHAT?
Smelling
at things that ought not to be smelled at? No, no, we don't
want to go there – in any case, no matter how you
look at it, things don't look too good for the Gay Caucus
of the Natural Law Party. And the feminists aren't going to
fare too well, either. According to the Laws
of Manu, which Hagelin and his fellow levitators hold
up as the equivalent of natural law, "Though destitute of
virtue, or seeking pleasure (elsewhere), or devoid of good
qualities, (yet) a husband must be constantly worshipped as
a god by a faithful wife." Now that is harsh. Buchanan,
as a Catholic of the traditionalist mold, is not big on divorce,
but he is a veritable pussycat compared to the swamis.
SOUNDBITES
Virtually
every news story on Hagelin neglects to describe the candidate's
views other than in very vague terms: he is simply the Anti-Buchanan,
and Transcendental Meditation is mentioned only in passing
if at all. These same stories echo every complaint, every
accusation, every soundbite retailed by the wrecking crew
that is out to derail Buchanan and the Reform party, all to
the same effect: Buchanan is a "social conservative" –
period. He has no other views, if we are to believe Mangia,
Fulani, and the rest. But these people – particularly
Fulani – discredited themselves by latching on to the
flying fruitloops and their loopy candidate, Hagelin. What
is funny, in a pathetic kind of way, is that they didn't even
bother to investigate whom or what they were getting
in bed with – like whores in a crack house, they were
ready to do anything for the first one to stick a pipe in
their mouths.
CORRECTION
A
previous edition of this column erroneously reported that
Rob Roth, the Natural Law Party press secretary, had been
a member of the Weather Underground in the sixties, went underground,
and was on the FBI's "wanted" list. This turns out not to
have been the case, and I want to take this opportunity to
publically apologize to him. The two guys were the same age,
had the same middle initial, and from their pictures I could
have sworn it was the same guy: It wasn't. I am red-faced
-- but perfectly willing to set the record straight. I talked
to Roth on the phone this morning, and he seems like a nice
guy. I hope there are no hard feelings, Bob. Please accept
my humble apologies.
THE
DEBATE
What
really gets me is that Hagelin has been demanding that Buchanan
debate him – and can you imagine that? I can see
it all now: Hagelin would start in about how we need to send
teams of TM meditators to sing mantras to the Kosovars, and
get them signed up for few courses in yogic flying. Can't
you just hear PJB's triumphant laugh, at once good-natured
and disdainful? "Are you suggesting that we should get
rid of our air force?"
CARRIED
AWAY
The
practice of "yogic flying," Hagelin and the TMers claim, is
achieved by deep meditation: one reaches such a state of concentrated
enlightenment that one is literally carried away by the sheer
power of it, lifted straight up into the air. They claim to
be able to do this, and Hagelin's followers say they have
photographs supposedly proving it. What they actually do,
however, is bounce up and down on their haunches, launching
themselves into the air in short (and, I imagine, rather painful)
bursts: they are prone to injuries in certain parts of their
anatomy, often severe, as a result. Another drawback is that
their brains rattle around inside their skulls, bumping into
the hard cranium with such force that they begin to lose brain
cells almost as quickly as they lose most of their money to
the Maharishi to pay for courses, magical "teas," and special
mantras. But the national media has been squinting so hard
that they have been taken in by the "yogic flying" illusion.
Instead of wacked-out cultists whose politics have a sinister
neo-medievalist cast, they see socially liberal "centrists"
righteously appalled by Buchanan's views on abortion, homosexuality,
and other hot-button issues. The near-sightedness of American
journalism is no secret: they see what they want to see, nothing
more.
CULTIC
MARRIAGE
A
band of political hucksters and con-men (and women: I didn't
mean to slight you, Lenora) is trying to take over the Reform
party and split up the public campaign funds between them.
The Maharishi's minions in other countries have taken up the
same line as the Natural Law Party, with some success, and
that is the use of state funds to spread their religious beliefs,
i.e. the alleged benefits, including medical benefits, of
TM. Fulani, too, has been implicated by her numerous critics
in questionable schemes involving federal matching funds,
and so these two weird cults – one based on a mix of
Marxism and the psychological theories of an obscure Russian
crank, and the other based on a hybrid of Hindu fundamentalism
and the ravings of an Indian crank – have joined forces
with Jim Mangia and other would be Reform Party bosses. A
couple of rip-off artists, and the embittered remnants of
a party that was never allowed to get off the ground –
this is the alleged "centrist alternative" to Buchanan. The
"scientific" Marxism of Lenora Fulani meets the blissful beatitude
of the Giggling Guru Hagelin, the physicist who is a mystic,
is the perfect embodiment of this cultic alliance: the scientist
on a flying carpet.
|
