 PHONIES
ON THE PHONE
It
is hard to keep track of all the lawsuits going on, and the
daily day-long coverage by the all-news TV stations here in
the US has degenerated into what seems like one endless loop
of Court TV. We shift from the courtroom of one hick judge
after another, while innumerable suits cite obscure legal
documents and quibble over whom is going to take whose deposition
and under what circumstances. As if this wasn't boring enough,
the only comic relief we got from this orgy of legalisms was
Al Gore in the
most staged conference call of all time, trying to reassure
us that he has the support of his fellow Democrats –
and only succeeding in raising more doubts. Good god, there
he is on the phone with Joe Lieberman, Senate minority leader
Tom Daschle, and House Democratic leader Dick Gephardt, reiterating,
in that robotic monotone, the same tired old line about how
"every vote must count." (What have they been doing since
November 7?, the average American asks, throwing his hands
up in despair and disgust.) I wonder if Gore realizes how
many Americans, when they see him, are instantly reminded
of Darrell
Hammond's Saturday Night Live parody? That oddly electronic
sing-song voice, spawn of some automatic answering machine
from hell, wheedling, whining, cajoling, and hectoring like
somebody's 8th-grade social studies teacher –
it's enough to drive anyone stark staring mad.
SYMPTOMS
Gore
is a powerful public speaker, albeit not persuasive in the
usual sense: after only a few moments of listening to him,
I tend to start yelling at the TV screen: "All right, all
right already, I'll do anything you say –
Just shut up, why don't you?" The man is unbearable,
and is – perhaps due to the pressure – definitely
showing symptoms of what, in any ordinary person, would be
seen as symptoms of severe psychological problems. One such
symptom is the inappropriate response: if you've ever had
a prolonged conversation with a certified nut-ball, you'll
note that the facial expressions and the words often do not
match. They burn themselves and start to giggle, or turn on
Comedy Central
and have themselves a good cry. It's a case of switched circuits,
and this syndrome was much in evidence Monday night when Gore
was supposed to give the speech of his life. A twitchy simulation
of a smile was plastered all over his face as he pleaded his
case before the American people, and a constitutional crisis
loomed darkly overhead. He looked drugged, his face –
is he trading make-up secrets with Katherine
Harris? – had the unnatural vitality of a zombie
on Ritalin, and he smiled, idiotically, as he accused the
Republicans of physical "intimidation" against election officials
in Miami-Dade.
STOP
AND GO
Profoundly
disturbed individuals can neither send nor receive the right
signals. You could say something, in a loud clear voice, but
they might hear something altogether different. You say "Stop!",
but they hear "Go, go, go!" An ABC
News poll taken a few days ago showed 60% want Gore to
give it up. A
CNN poll taken the next day has 56% of Americans saying,
loud and clear, that Gore ought to concede the election –
up
from 46% a week ago. This figure includes a full 36 percent
of those who describe themselves as Gore supporters. Clueless
Gore and his power-maddened advisors just don't get it. Before
they are through, Gore will be the most hated man in America.
But Gore's arrogance prevents him from seeing this. After
making yet
another statement on Tuesday, the
Great Pretender deigned to answer a few questions from
the media. In response to a query about his plummeting popularity,
Gore replied:
"Well,
I said during the election to many of you that I didn't think
the polls mattered. And on Election Day, sure enough, contrary
to the polls, Joe Lieberman and I carried the popular vote
nationally by 300,000 votes. I'm quite sure that the polls
don't matter in this, because it's a legal question."
MR.
POPULARITY
So
much for Gore's solemn declamations on the omnipotent "will
of the people" – so who cares what they think,
he just wants to be President! You'll note that, after initially
making a big deal about disavowing all Democratic agitation
against the Electoral College, Gore has taken up the refrain
of "I won the popular vote" with renewed vigor. The day before,
he brought it up in an interview with the New York Times,
in which he telegraphed the same message. Asked to "reflect"
on why he lost his home state of Tennessee, he declined but
said:
"Well,
it was a close election and the American people had laid before
them two different views of how we should proceed in this
new century, and by the margin of 300,000 in the popular vote,
and by a margin in the currently counted electoral vote, they
seem to have chosen the approach that Joe Lieberman and I
represent. Whether the Electoral College, which is of course
the one that counts, end up this way remains to be seen."
GETTING
SNIPPY
Oh,
of course the Electoral College is "the one that counts"
– but we'll just see about that! As Al would put
it: Well, you don't have to get snippy about it, now
do you?
GORE
GOES FOR BROKE
No
doubt about it, this guy is psycho: that kind of ambition
is a sickness. But, unlike the rest of the fruitcakes who
think they're Napoleon, or Julius Caesar, this one is not
locked up in an asylum: instead, he ran for President –
and, as he ceaselessly reminds us, came in first in the popular
vote. The only obstacle standing between him and the Presidency
is the Electoral College, which his surrogates are even now
planning to circumvent. Unless the Florida legislature takes
it out of the courts, and back into the domain of the people's
elected representatives, Gore will entangle the process in
so much legal rigmarole that the identity of Florida's electors
will be in dispute, and that appears to be the crux of his
strategy: to throw the process wide-open.
COUNTDOWN
TO THE CRISIS
The
Electoral College does not require the votes of Florida's
electors before submitting the results to Congress: the Constitution
says only that the victor is the one who gets "the majority
of the appointed electors." If Florida appoints no electors,
then the beat goes on – and Gore winds up with a majority.
The Supreme Court decision – which will not get into
the key issue of what constitutes a vote – is unlikely
to provide a Solomonic solution to the dispute, and Congress
is sure to intervene. Where it will end is anybody's guess,
but one thing is for sure: a week ago, the pet pundits of
the Washington Establishment were blithely dismissing the
idea that we are anywhere near a constitutional crisis: Oh,
we were told, just relax, there's plenty of time.
This week, they aren't so sure. By next week, they'll
be calling 911. The presidential electors must meet on December
12, and before that they must be certified. The clock is ticking
– or is that the time-bomb Al Gore has planted beneath
the very foundations of our republic?
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